The Secret

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: My Book the Secret is my true inspiration and my faith. If I can have every day waking up believing , holding , having belief in myself, my potential, realising my dreams loving my life then that is what is my driving force . It sits idly on my dresser standing up opened slightly so that it faces into me in my room in my dreams unfolding all it’s magical powers into my life . Like so many others I’m sure I have struggled with getting back to a positive frame of my mind after the death of my father . He was my soul sister or father if you like so to speak . In other words we had a connection a special way like nothing I could quite explain only That we knew . It was our special secret . The details are long and upsetting to explain but he died ¬†after an 8 month battle with cancer and left me and my family broken hearted, wounded and so very sad for a long time . The truth is my Dad was my everything in so many ways on so many levels that every ounce of spark in me was dulled and numbed with grief and sadness.

I can’t begin to start with the work I did to bring myself back from a road of panic, anxiety, left sided paralysis when driving, pulling over on the side of the road because I couldn’t breathe the, waking up in a sweat after a murky foggy dark dream, ¬†empty low feelings in the pit of my tummy, negative feelings of hopelessness. I worked so very hard to pull myself up and out of this place with the help of family, counselling, alternative therapists and dedication to self , myself. The reality is The awful loss of my father opened up a whole can of worms about myself and my ability to bounce back. It opened up a reality of my own humanness and how I am with myself. My self awareness and counselling has presented me with a few realities that I have struggled with. So I am a perfectionist and so much so that I am very hard on myself if I am not right in a situation in my work or in every day life . Which has negative repercussions. Of course this is all magnified when your low and your feeling bad,sad, grieving . For me I became negative to myself and and also to my life my hopes and my dreams. My self worth was low and so I spiralled into a difficult time of sadness. And getting to know me. I found it hard to like myself and so I was not much fun to be around except when I had a good bawl got it out of my system and had a few drinks or got distracted on something else for a bit. These have been my struggles but hey I except them now as just part of my self discovery and healing. My battles are now more like friendly debates and so they have simmered down now.

The Secret in all it’s entirety is what I’ve been grasping for all of this time. My inspiration my pillar of strength.It’s the delicate beautiful essence of knowing, trusting,believing that yes you can have magic in your life. You can create a beautiful world all around you. You can be oozing glamour, confidence and sex appeal.You are strong, unique and so very very special.You can fall in love like Frank Sinatras songs and the fabulous romantic movies. You can shine so brightly in your own unique way. You can be a world famous writer, You can have and do and be anything you want . The secret is a gift my gift of inspiration . So here goes ……….

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